Does Anybody Actually Work Anymore?

OK, you may think I'm being a little facetious here...
But as a freelancer, I notice things like big influxes of job listings, or big SLOWDOWNS in activity. And patterns in same.

Awhile back, I posted on social media about how things seemed to "shut down" about noon on Thursdays. From a fairly brisk pace beforehand, it seemed like clients were getting ready to power down for the weekend...shall we say...rather early. I'd see regular traffic, and then it would get sparser and sparser, bit by bit, as Thursday afternoon edged toward Thursday evening.

NOW, however, the ebb is starting on WEDNESDAYS.

And this week...I'm starting to wonder if anyone's working at all in any offices, anywhere, during the month of August. Because things have gone from fairly respectable streaming to a trickle to, now, a DRIP.

(This is not a comment on the quality...merely the quantity. :-) )

So there must be a secret I don't know about as to how people are paying their bills when they increasingly DON'T DO A LICK OF WORK PAST LUNCHTIME ON TUESDAY.

Um...
Could someone fill me in, please?

I need a job that pays like that!

Thoughts...?
Janny

I Know It's Breaking All The Rules...and Going Against (What Could Sound Like) Good Advice...

...but I can't be anything other than what I am. Which is, FIRST, a Catholic.
All the other terminology, including "writer," comes second to that.
And I'm very public and very unapologetic about it.

When you're searching for clients, hoping to put work together, and trying to do things that "don't offend" people, you don't take stands like I take.
Some folks will come right out and tell me this is career suicide.

And they could be right.

On the other hand, ETERNAL suicide is not something I'm interested in courting. So if it comes down to a choice, guess which way I'm going to choose?

If there are any employers or potential clients out there who are put off by a public stand...
...who don't agree with what I say, believe, and profess...
...and who won't hire me because of it...
...yes, that may cost me a few bucks.

But what it'll cost YOU could be far more.
So I "yam what I yam," and that's not going away.
Ever.

Just so's we're clear. :-)

Onward and upward,
Janny

How to Shoot Your Credibility to Hell in 3...2...

Yet another wonderful (!) encounter with Clueless Movie Script Writers.

Was watching a Lifetime movie the other day called YOU MAY NOW KILL THE BRIDE. Now, before you crucify me for watching Lifetime movies at all, it must be said--some of them aren't bad. True, some of them tend to be a bit predictable, a bit too angsty, or a bit too soap-oper-y to be realistic--but, on the other hand, there's nothing like a tall glass of wine and a good escapist movie to relax with after spending a day at the keyboard, wrestling with a cat, and lifting 160 pounds in the gym. 

Right?

So...I'm watching this. It's creepy. Psychotic chick, has a crush on her stepbrother to the point where she literally destroys all his relationships. Even killed a former fiance on the wedding day. And she plans to kill the latest one, too. Worms her way into the wedding, sabotages pretty much everything, then threatens bride and groom to be with a knife, gets hauled away because she's Off Her Meds, etc.

Fast forward to happy wedding day, except, of course, it isn't...because somehow, Ms. Psycho is OUT of the hospital now and has managed to hide herself in the bridal chamber, where she's going to kill the bride. Puts the bride underwater, dresses in a wedding gown, shows up in front of the preacher, etc. Of course, the bride manages to live through it all, as does her groom, even though Ms. Psycho actually stabs HIM in the course of the struggle. And somehow manages not to drown in a bathtub, even though the bride holds her underwater for something like 2 minutes while said bride is fighting to get the psycho's hands off her throat.

This is AFTER Ms. Psycho has also attempted to murder the maid of honor, by the way. 
Yeah. Chickie has issues.

OK, so...eventually newlywed Bride and Groom go to visit Psycho Sister in the Psych ward. It's not clear whether this is regular hospital that she's just in a psych wing of, or if it's an actual locked treatment center, but the net result is portrayed about the same. She's there in her little hospital pajamas with the elastic waist and no strings, ties, hard objects, sharp objects, or other contraband. She apologizes, they tell her they've heard she's made "great progress," and they give her a wedding picture that she asks for so she can "face what's real."

Only the wedding picture is in a wooden frame.
With a GLASS FRONT.
She takes it, tells them how lovely it is, and they let her hold it.
The attendant then comes and tells them it's time to go.
And Psycho Sister KEEPS THE PICTURE.

Of course, the minute they're out of sight, Psycho Sister drops the picture on the floor, shattering the glass. Which she then proceeds to pick up and shred the picture with...all with no one intercepting, observing, or intervening. And at the end, of course, she has that evil little crazy smile on her face, and she's ripped everyone out of the picture but the bridegroom, chanting, "he loves me, he loves me not, he loves me..."

Now, it makes a great final scene. EXCEPT IT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN THAT WAY.
In what alternate universe, first of all, is a mental patient in the hospital allowed a picture frame with GLASS in it and WOOD with sharp corners?
In what alternate universe, second of all, does the attendant see her clutching the picture and not take it away?
In what alternate universe, as well, are people walking around proceeding as normal a little distance away, while she drops this in the hallway, breaking it, then sits down next to it and starts picking up glass IN THE CORRIDOR OF A MENTAL UNIT?

Apparently, this happens in the Lifetime universe.
I promise you, it won't happen in any mental ward I've ever encountered.
Or if it does, someone's head will roll, swiftly and with no second chances.

There are so many things wrong with that scene that it destroys the credibility of the entire rest of the movie. Which, as these kinds of thrillers go, wasn't bad. True, there was a bit of suspension of disbelief involved, and more than a little muttering at the TV saying, "Oh, come ON. No. You don't owe her an apology. She's a psycho. Listen to your maid of honor."

...and such things.

But, hey, clearly Lifetime decided it needed High Chilling Drama at the end...and what's creepier than realizing Psycho Sister's been faking everybody out and she's going to get out eventually...and probably make good on her intentions? Yeah, leave everybody horrified. Great touch! Wow! Wonderful!

Um. No. Not when it depends on absolute STUPIDITY in order to be created.
Sorry, Lifetime. Not in THIS Lifetime.

This, folks, is why you do your research.
And if you can't write that scene that way, you think of an even better one that is actually realistic.
That is, if you're not too lazy.
Or if you don't underestimate the intelligence of your viewers so much that you figure they'll never know the difference.

Which could also be construed as an interesting bit of sexism, considering that Lifetime's always sold itself as "television for women."
Your target audience is that stupid, is it?

REALLY.

Thoughts?
Janny

THIS Is Why You Need (GOOD) Editors, People

Is it just me, or does NO ONE know how to use the language anymore?
Facebook is rife with memes talking about all the misuses of things like THEY'RE, THEIR, and THERE. Not to mention all the funny poems about how English spelling versus pronunciation is inconsistent, to say the least. :-)

But there's one usage I haven't seen much said about: POUR versus PORE.
Probably for good reason...because NO ONE seems to know how to use the words right.

Quick reference guide:
Unless you've got a pitcher tipped, a container ready to be emptied, or a bucket of sand that needs to be added to a castle, you're not POURING over a document. You're PORING over it. 
Yes, there's a difference. And yes, it does matter.

Next time I see a published book with the heroine "pouring" over a book, a document, a letter, or other thing she's obviously reading and examining, I'm going to quote the dang thing on Facebook, identify the ignorant author, and ask which liquid or solid her character dumped on her reading material.

This is why you need editors who actually understand the English language, people. 
Unfortunately, most of you who DO need this won't ever read this post.

(sigh.)
Thoughts?
Janny

The First Toe-Dip in the Lake...

...was, indeed, as cold as I expected.

But I suspect future dips will start to feel REALLY good when it gets hot outside!

In the meantime, here's the view from my office window:

Yeah, I'm a brat. :-)

More to come,
Janny

A Pitching Parable

Here it is, Saturday morning, when someone comes on Facebook talking about Kensington's Lyrical Press line looking for thrillers and suspense. (!) Naturally, with CALLIE'S ANGEL sitting right there on my computer ready to find a home, I jump all over this.

Which then begins an interesting comedy of errors.

1. It seems the author who recommended her editor also admits her editor has moved from New York to Seattle. Which means that her editor is now a freelancer. Or something like it.

2. Of course, that also means her editor's not listed with the "normal" editors on the Kensington page anymore...

3. ...except that--wait, wait!--she actually IS on one of their pages as an assistant editor...

4. Which sets up an interesting dilemma when Author Who Is Ready To Pounce On This attempts to send an e-mail to said editor, and it bounces back.

5. The editor the aforementioned recommending author is NOW with (having been moved along in the process), however, is still WITH the company.

6. So Pouncing Author says, "I'm going for it"....

7. ...only to forget to take the OTHER editor's name out of the salutation on the e-mail. So I've got a "Dear Ms. F" when I'm actually pitching "Dear Mr. S."

8....prompting said Pouncing Author to follow up immediately with a short e-mail note saying, "I really do know what I'm doing, honest."

9. Which should be a cautionary tale to all of you out there: if you're going to recommend someone pitch your editor, GIVE HER E-MAIL ADDRESS in your post.  Don't say, "PM me for the e-mail address," and then fail to answer the PM. If it's NOT okay with your editor to do this without asking her, don't talk about the recommendation until you've got that okay. If you get flooded with PMs asking for that editor's e-mail address, answer them. Yes, ALL of them. You asked people to contact you, after all. Don't leave them hanging afterward.

10. With the actual e-mail address of this apparently now freelance editor, I could have saved myself a whole lot of grief, including saving myself looking like an idiot to an actual editor at a place that claims to want books like I write.

11. If I were a conspiracy theorist, I could wonder if this author deliberately set people up to fail, masking it as enthusiasm and "spreading good news." But...no. I really am not. A conspiracy theorist. Much. Well, okay, hardly ever.

I'm going to go change my aluminum-foil hat now. And hope that "Mr. S" has a sense of humor.

(sigh)
Janny

"Try to Leave Out the Parts People Skip."

The above is a quote from mystery writer Elmore Leonard, one I always got a kick out of. How do you know which parts people are going to skip? 

Well, I've gotten a partial answer on it.
I'm presently editing a nice book from a client about athletes, some of whom are from ages long past; setting the background for these people does entail a bit of history. However, I've discovered there's a certain amount of history that lends itself well to background...and a certain amount more that glazes me over.

And I like history. So that should tell you something.

What it tells me is that there are parts that should be edited out--the parts people will "skip over." I've never seen something illustrate this idea quite so clearly, and I know my author will have the final say on what stays and what goes...but it's still interesting to encounter, first-hand, an actual piece of manuscript that "shows" you rather than "telling" you, in a manner of speaking.

The trick, however, still is trying to get rid of this stuff before it's written and has to be edited out! 
If I have any insights on what that might look like, you'll hear it here first.
Trust me.
In the meantime...keep calm and write your a** off! Because you can't have something to edit until something is there on the page, or screen, in the first place.
Capisce?

Onward!
Janny

...And the Tweaks Continue

...Have sent CALLIE'S ANGEL out to both my critique partner and a beta reader. 
Now the nervewracking part begins. Or at least the FIRST nervewracking part. 
You know. The one BEFORE you send it out to the Gatekeepers.

I've already gone from, "Man, this is a great story" to "Who in hell is going to want to read this?" 

Writers will recognize this syndrome instantly. And they will also recognize how fast it happens. (!)

Usually, if the writer has done her job somewhat right...she'll swing back toward "Man, this is a great story" again. At least she can get as far as, "OK, not bad. Maybe even good."

Then the comments will come back, and she'll need chocolate.

Hopefully, that will coincide with when the CWC can actually HAVE chocolate again...AFTER Lent is over.

One more week...(ayeeee)

Thoughts?
Janny

Callie's Angel...Almost Ready to Fly!

Well, the graphic on the side may have been  a little "off"...in that CALLIE'S ANGEL, my first new work in YEARS, may not come in at the original projected word count of 90K. (!) It's at 79,770 or so right now, pending revisions--but the first draft is DONE. THE END has been typed, which means first draft is now on the screen, ready for tweaking.

The hard part now is sitting back and NOT being in a hurry to get it submitted anywhere, because there will be changes that an author only discerns and is able to make AFTER the initial smoke clears and you get a better idea what you've created, where it's lacking, or where it needs cutting down.

Still, it's a hoot and a half to have something, finally, ALL NEW in the hopper, just ready to be polished into pristine shape and sent out there, hopefully to snag a contract with some kind of REAL money attached to it.

I, like all writers, live in perpetual hope.

More to come!


Thoughts?
Janny

....And No One Can Write Romantic Comedy, Either.

I know that writing "funny" is anything but easy. I've done it at times, but being a full-time comedic writer? That's a grind and a half for many reasons. So I "get" that people may not know how to write comedy that's truly laugh-out-loud funny.
But when you're writing rom-com, there's still a romance to consider, too. And the writers I've encountered over the past several days--with a few notable exceptions that can be counted on the fingers of one hand--can't do that, either.

What is it about romance now that eludes so many writers? 
Don't get me wrong: it's not like I'm encountering sex scene after sex scene masquerading as "romance." (You only get that nonsense in places like RWA. And, yes, you can quote me on that.) I'm talking about a romantic deficit that seems to think that one kiss is a relationship...or one flirtation...or one bickering "conflict." 
In other words, yeah, I'm seeing a lot of beginner mistakes in these stories. 
But it's kind of sad that they're not the same kind of beginner mistakes that I, and so many of my now-published colleagues, made in our early attempts to write love stories, either.

We tended to err on the side of "they're getting along way too famously way too fast."
Now, I'm seeing "romances" that deal with relationships that are toxic...
...that are decaying right there on the page...
...or that don't have a spark of excitement ANYWHERE. Not even erotic excitement. Which also isn't "romance," but at least is something a writer can work with as a jumping-off point.

In other words, if the state of romantic fiction is reflected by the entries I've been reading over the past few days...we need help.

I got to the point where I started muttering, "People, people, people. For heaven's sake. Turn on the Hallmark Channel once in a awhile, will you?"

Hey, it may not be highbrow...but at least it's got the emotion in the right places.
It's a start.
In the meantime, there are contest entrants out there who are gonna get their hearts broken by this particular judge--but that,  unfortunately, can't be helped.
If you don't WRITE what the category is about, I'm not going to pretend you DID.
I did give extensive feedback on most of these stories. Which'll probably put them at least a leg ahead in the game when they go onto paper the next time.
I hope!

In the meantime, I can only prescribe rom-com movies. Enough of those, and you'll internalize the genre, and maybe next time...you'll actually write it. 

Thoughts?
Janny

"Alright" Is Not A Word. No. Really. It Isn't.

Judging a creative writing contest...and wondering how it is that so many people really, really, REALLY don't know how to use English. No, I'm not talking esoteric words here, either. I'm talking the non-word "alright." Which is not correct. Has never been correct. And, frankly, which I've seen so many times already today that my teeth are already on edge.

So please...save my dental work. Use a dictionary. Use a Grammarian. Use something that lets you know what ARE, and ARE NOT, real English words. 

And if you have a dictionary that says "alright" is an ALL RIGHT alternative usage...burn it.

You'll be doing us all a favor.

More from your happy happy happy judge, anon.

Thoughts?
Janny

A Little Advent Meditation...

I love Christmas. When it's actually Christmas.
I do not love Christmas for Labor Day, Halloween, or even, yes, Thanksgiving.

I think it's ironic that some of the very same "wise voices" who tell us how fast time is flying are also in the forefront of the cultural trends that rush everything ahead of its proper timetable.

There's an inherent contradiction here. 
But, hey, that's the extent of my profundity for a Friday afternoon.

What I really mean to say is...
I LOVE CHRISTMAS.

No, I don't believe that Christmas is only for children. If you truly think that, you've missed the whole point.

No, I don't believe that if you're all alone, there's "no point" to Christmas decorating, preparing a nice meal, or other special traditions. Again, if you truly think that, you've missed the whole point; it's the birthday of the One who came for Every Single One of Us. Think about that long enough, and a little birthday cake will be worth firing up the oven for.

No, I don't believe that whether someone says "Merry Christmas" or "Happy Holidays" has a thing to do with how good a Christian they are...or how good of a Christian they expect ME to be. And I don't take offense at either one. After all, it's also the season of Hanukkah, and soon will be the season of New Year's Day. Holidays are holidays, folks. They're worth smiling about.

And no, I don't believe that the best gifts in life are the ones money can't buy. Not always. Money can buy some pretty valuable things. Food. Water. Clothing. Shelter. Medicine. Protection from harm. And, yes, just plain enjoyment.

(Which there's nothing wrong with, by the way. Just so's we're clear.)

So the next time someone start waxing sanctimonious about how meaningless Christmas is...for one reason or another...
...or how you "shouldn't" want things you DO want under the tree...
...or how it's "just not worth it" to fuss for any of this holiday stuff because it's all "out of control"...
Remember, the One whose birthday we look forward to thought it was worth a lot of fuss to give us a special present.

Enjoy the gifts you have to the fullest, and give the gifts you can with all the joy and enthusiasm you want to expend...

And you'll never have to ask, "What Would Jesus Do?"
Ever. Again.
Christmas tells it all.

Thoughts?
Janny